My First Women's Golf Group Membership

Women’s golf groups play on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I imagined they all start together in the morning and join each other for lunch after their rounds. I have never joined such a group because I worked fulltime and never felt I could take that time off on a regular basis. I am sure some women do figure that out, but for me, the demands for meetings at all hours of the workday just was not conducive to a weekday golf schedule. I had fantasies of these women being fast friends, lunching after a fun round of golf and enjoying their day.

So another first for me in retirement was to join the women’s golf group at the club where my husband and I play on weekends. I did not join right away as I am still not very confident in my game, and I tend to get stressed playing with people I don’t know. My golf instructor has told me repeatedly that I am more than good enough to play with the women’s group and that I am sure to improve when I retire and start playing several times a week. After enjoying an entire month off after retirement, I reached out to the president of the women’s group to find out about joining.

I was delighted when the president arranged a foursome for me to play with on my first day. As expected, I was nervous and since our course currently has a driving range closed for reconstruction, I had to start cold on the first tee. Mind you that when I play with my family and friends, we are very lax about the rules. If I hit out of bounds, I drop the ball where it went out and keep moving. Well, my first drive on the first tee went far and left, out of bounds. To my surprise, the president advised me that I must hit another one from the tee! Duh, I know that is the rule but never play that way with my husband, I was flustered and thrown off. I took my second tee shot which managed to stay in bounds, but I managed to miss-hit pretty much every shot on that hole and really for the next two or three holes it was more of the same. What a nightmare, talk about bad first impressions!

I apologized and told them that I really do play better than this. They were all very nice and said not to worry, but of course I still did. Thankfully I was able to settle down as the game progressed. I hit some great long shots, sunk a couple of good putts, but I’m sorry to say generally played to my regular high handicap.

Something very interesting I learned, though, except for the president who had a beautiful stroke and played fabulously, the other women were hit or miss and pretty much played like me. I was generally able to get more distance than they, but they were steadier and more consistent. In the end, we were all playing about at the same level, at about the same speed, and it made me feel more at ease.

The president gave me further instructions on the rules along the way, when on the tee box “don’t stand over there please” (still not quite sure what was wrong – in front but on the side, behind but not far enough on the side, on the tee box at all -- when others are teeing off?), tell her precisely that I had everything I needed when I was going to walk up to the ball and proceed to the green (I knew to tell my cart partner that I had my wedge and my putter, but did not realize that was not sufficient and I must say, “I have everything I need” or something to that affect). I was also instructed on where the drop zones are for balls lost in a hazard, I did not even realize some holes had these unmarked drop zones instead of just dropping the ball where it crossed the red stake! These instructions were all matter of fact – and not with any animosity at all -- but boy did I still feel chastised by the end of the round. I will be playing by all the rules when I play with my friends and families from now on so that I get more comfortable with the rules. This was totally my fault for not practicing using all the rules, and I will correct that, but it sure did create some stress.

At the end of the round, it was suggested that I have lunch with the other women players so that I would be able to get to know some of the other members. I thought this was standard for everyone and a great idea, but as it turned out, very few women stayed for lunch. There was one table of 3 women who looked like they were cooling off and would be leaving shortly, and one table with 2 women who were eating lunch. I was introduced and I joined the two women who were enjoying lunch. The other two women who I played with also joined me for lunch, although I was really the only one who ordered a meal, the others only ordered smoothies or ice cream. I am not really understanding how this is supposed to work as it does not seem that “lunching ladies” is part of this standard routine. I will have to see what happens after my next round with the group.

Gratefully, the two women I played with spent time showing me how to sign up to play with the group and walked me through the app so that I could do it myself. They explained that the lower handicapped players played earlier in the morning. They signed up to play with me on another day – thank you -- and gave me guidance on who to sign up with on another day. I had expressed concern that people would already have regular foursomes, so how would a new member get to play with others? They assured me all the women were really friendly and many people signed up alone so it would not be a problem. I decided to sign up at a time that had only one other player, thinking she would appreciate company and others would sign up with us. Unfortunately, after checking back a week later to see if anyone had joined, I learned that in fact, no one joined and the one player who had been signed up had cancelled. I suppose this is something you must anticipate when no one knows who you are?

I cancelled my tee time and signed up for a later time where there were already three other women scheduled. I am crossing my fingers that when I show up I will actually have someone with whom to play. I will wait with anticipation to see how it all unfolds.

I have heard many stories about women playing in these groups and how fun it is, how friendly everyone is, and that friendships are formed. I am really hoping that is the case for me and that I will find some women who are open to having a new member join them. Maybe if I improve my game that will happen more quickly, ha! #lifeafterretirement