Three-Years Later

Hike at Inspiration Point In Berkeley, CA

Well, I didn't keep up my blogging, contrary to my best intentions when I retired. Somehow, I became too busy, too distracted, too unmotivated to keep up the tales. The last time I wrote I was still working part-time. Now I have been fully retired for a couple of years and find that I am not too busy, so I have no excuses!

My escapades have morphed into meeting for long hikes with two different friend groups - see the photo I took from one such hike. I spend my time taking care of my son, fixing up our new home, preparing for the wedding of our other son, personal training, and less emphasis on golf. We have moved to the Bay Area to be closer to our older son and his soon-to-be new wife and family. So, I am exploring new restaurants, libraries, hiking trails, dog parks, movie theaters and the like.

I have reconnected with old, dear friends and that has been truly wonderful. It really is true that you can live away from old friends for decades and start up again right where you left off when you move close to each other again. I am so, so grateful for this and for the dear friends I can spend time with each week. Retirement for me over the last two years has been all about being with friends, getting and staying physically fit, and reading good (or not so good) books.

We joined a new golf country club when we moved, and I am trying, all over again, to make new friends and connect with the women golfers there (see my first golf blog, more of same at the new club, unfortunately). I don't know why it is so hard to start new social activities over the age of 60. I marvel at young children who instantaneously welcome newcomers into their games, their orbit without hesitation. Seniors have developed strong shields against strangers, less openness to new opportunities for new friendships, and more willingness to settle for what they know. I continue to work at finding those women golfer club members with whom I can connect on a deeper level, but it is proving to be very challenging. It doesn't help that our course is very hard making my already mediocre golf game even more challenging which makes me more self-conscious. I regularly read Facebook posts from golfers who say, "no one cares or remembers how poorly you played, they are worried about their own game". But I just can't accept or internalize that view and it impacts how I feel about myself, which I am sure impacts how others are going to feel about me. A vicious cycle to be sure.

I do miss my regular lunches with my friends in LA, and it seems harder to keep up those long-distance relationships now. I guess I am working so hard to connect in my new hometown that I've let slip some of my efforts to maintain the old connections there. I will add that to my list of important things to do during retirement!

When I first retired, I made myself a schedule of all the things with which I wanted to fill my new empty calendar: reading, cross-stitchery, re-learning the guitar, writing a legal thriller, etc. Over time, though, I gave up the guitar (too hard), stopped writing my novel after only a few chapters (also too hard), but now again complain that I need more things to fill my time that I find meaningful.

I volunteer on the board of a non-profit and do find my efforts supporting the organization fulfilling, but since I moved, I need to find something in my new community. Why is it so hard to find opportunities to volunteer? Everyone will easily take your donations, but it seems way too hard to find organizations that want you to spend time assisting them in person. I really don't understand it when it seems there is such a great need for services in the areas I am most interested in -- supporting children and people with disabilities-- especially now with funding and programming cuts. Maybe I am not trying hard enough (is everything too hard when you retire?). I do find the longer I am retired, the more willing I am to just spend the day relaxing in the garden, reading, cooking and whiling away the days. Maybe that is finding inner peace?

I have challenged myself to restart my writing efforts, both with my novel and this blog. I am happy to say I have at least restarted one! Hopefully more to come.